As parents, we set rules and structure to keep our homes running smoothly. But it’s not just about the rules themselves—it’s how we communicate them that truly makes a difference.
Take a simple example from my life. I could ask my husband, “Can you make me some tea?” and he’d do it, but it often feels a bit like an order.
Instead, I try saying, “When you make your next cup of coffee, would you mind making me a cup of tea, please?” The tone shifts, and it feels like a more thoughtful request.
Sure, I could make my own tea, but I love the way he makes it, and he enjoys doing it for me. It’s not just about the tea; it’s about the connection we build through these little acts.
This got me thinking—what if we brought this approach into parenting?
Changing How We Share Our Stories
When we share stories about our past with our kids, phrases like, “When I was your age,” or “In my day,” can sometimes shut down the conversation. It can come across as saying, “This is how it was, so this is how it should be.”
Instead, I’ve learned to include my kids in the conversation. After sharing a story from my childhood, I ask, “How do you think we could make that our own?
Is it something we want to keep in our family?” This turns the story into a shared experience, something we can build together.
Balancing Structure and Flexibility
Kids need structure to feel secure and to know what to expect. But structure doesn’t have to be rigid. It should reflect our family values while allowing room for discussion and flexibility.
Instead of just imposing rules, I now involve my kids in the conversation. We talk about our family values, why they matter, and what boundaries we need.
This helps them feel involved and respected. They understand that our rules aren’t random—they’re based on our shared goals.
When kids push back, it’s often because they feel unheard, not because they dislike the rules.
By asking for their input on family traditions and how we might adapt them, I find that we’re not just reminiscing about the past—we’re building something new together.
Evolving Family Traditions
Family traditions and values should grow with us. It’s not about sticking to the old ways exactly but about blending the meaningful parts of the past with what works for us today.
This approach helps us create a family culture where we feel both connected to our history and relevant to our current lives.
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