Friendships are beautiful, messy, and sometimes guilt-inducing (like pizza!).
We all want to be the best friend we can be, but life gets busy. Sometimes, a quiet night in with takeout and your favourite reality show seems like the ultimate dream.
Then, your phone buzzes — it’s your friends, inviting you out. You love them, but the thought of socialising feels like…well, let’s just say staying in sounds infinitely more appealing.
Saying “no” can feel selfish, like you’re letting them down.
But the truth is, being a good friend doesn’t mean you have to say “yes” to everything. Quality matters more than quantity.
Think about it: a meaningful catch-up, even if it’s once a month, is far more impactful than a string of rushed texts exchanged between breaks. It refills your social battery so you can be present in a way that matters when you hang out.
Healthy friendships are a balancing act – a give-and-take of support that feels sustainable and healthy for everyone.
As Dedra Davis, author of “Cultivating Friendships Is Like Tending A Garden” says, “If a friendship is one-sided, weeds will sprout.”
So, how do we navigate friendships without feeling guilty about saying no? Here are some tips to build strong, supportive friendships:
1. Communicate Openly
Honesty is key. Explain your schedule constraints or whatever you’re juggling. True friends will understand. Instead of a blunt “no,” offer an alternative. Maybe suggest rescheduling for another date, grabbing a quick coffee the following day, or even a video call if schedules clash completely.
2. Boundaries are Important
Don’t be afraid to say “no” to draining plans. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s healthy for everyone. Talk openly with your friends about your boundaries, and ask about theirs too.
3. Different Strokes for Different Folks
People show and receive support differently. Your friend might prefer a quick text check-in over a lengthy conversation. Appreciate their way of connecting, and they’ll appreciate yours.
Saying “no” doesn’t make you a bad friend. It shows self-awareness and respect for your needs.
Imagine texting your friend, “Hey, thanks so much for thinking of me! This week has been crazy, and I need some serious downtime. How about we reschedule for next Friday?” A true friend might respond with, “No worries at all! Self-care first. Let’s catch up then!”
The key is to not become the friend who constantly cancels last minute without a valid reason (we all know one!). That’s a recipe for real friend drama.
Just remember, strong friendships aren’t about constantly hanging out, it’s about quality time that leaves you feeling recharged and happy to be around each other. So next time you need a night in, don’t sweat it. Your true friends will be there when you’re ready to reconnect.
Mental Matters is a resource and information platform. We do not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While the information on our website is for general awareness and support, it should not replace professional advice. For any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional.
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