Stephanie Ike Okafor, creator of the Voice of Hope series offers an interesting perspective: “The people you might hold resentment towards, they may not have understood their actions. Their struggles allowed negativity to enter.”
While this quote provides understanding, the question remains: how do you truly forgive?
Forgiveness isn’t condoning the actions that hurt you, nor forgetting what happened. It’s about releasing the negative emotions and choosing to move forward.
1. Why Forgive?
Letting go of negativity allows you to step into your power and become a more authentic leader.
We cling to hurt because we wish things were different. We expect better from loved ones, and their shortcomings can be painful. But the truth is, you can’t control others’ actions, only your response.
Leadership coach and CEO of Upside Thinking, Lisa Marie Platske emphasises the importance of forgiveness. And how holding onto resentment can slow down progress, both personally and professionally.
Holding onto anger and resentment is a heavy weight. Forgiveness allows you to shed that burden and find peace. It doesn’t erase the past, but empowers you to create a more positive future.
2. The Upside Challenge (Adapted from Lisa Marie Platske)
- Identify where you hold resentment.
- Look deeper, to the root of the resentment.
- Can you spot the underlying shame?
- Who do you need to forgive (yourself or someone else)?
- Will you commit to forgiveness to move forward?
3. Forgiveness Is a Process, Don’t Rush It
These general steps can help guide you:
- Acknowledge your pain: Don’t minimise your feelings. It’s okay to be angry, hurt, or sad.
- Consider the context: Okafor suggests “cracks” in someone’s life might have led to their actions. Understanding their situation doesn’t excuse them, but might offer perspective.
- Focus on letting o: Holding onto negativity only hurts you. Practice releasing the anger and resentment.
- Set boundaries (optional): Forgiveness doesn’t require maintaining a close relationship with the person who hurt you. Set boundaries to protect yourself.
- Seek support: Talking someone you trust, or possibly a therapist if you need to. It can be incredibly helpful.
Remember, forgiveness will take time and effort, so be kind to yourself throughout the process. Remember, forgiveness is often more about finding your own peace than about the other person.
Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely. Forgive yourself and step into your brilliance. The world needs you.
Mental Matters is a resource and information platform. We do not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While the information on our website is for general awareness and support, it should not replace professional advice. For any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional.
Angela Holden Psychotherapist London
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