Sometimes, in conversations or conflicts, you might find yourself facing someone who seems more interested in dominating or controlling the conversation than truly understanding you. Certain people have a way of turning discussions into power struggles.
Leading clinical psychologist and expert on narcissism, Dr. Ramani Durvasula highlights a simple yet powerful communication strategy (the deep technique) for dealing with difficult people.
“Defend, engage, explain, personalise – don’t go deep. They will try to pull you into the madness.”
The Problem with Trying to Explain Yourself
When someone challenges you, it’s natural to want to explain yourself. You might feel the need to defend your actions or share your side of the story. But sometimes, the person isn’t interested in hearing you out—they just want to control the conversation or make you feel wrong.
When you try to explain or defend, you’re giving them more to argue with. Instead of clearing things up, you end up feeling stuck in a back-and-forth that goes nowhere. Dr. Ramani’s advice reminds us that stepping back can often be the best move.
Why Saying “OK” Can Save You a Lot of Stress
Dr. Ramani suggests a simple and powerful response: just say “OK.”
It sounds almost too easy, but it works. When you respond with “OK”, you aren’t engaging in a debate or giving the other person more fuel to keep the argument going. You’re keeping things neutral, which prevents them from dragging you into a deeper, more emotional conversation.
Saying “OK” is a way of stopping the argument in its tracks. You’re not agreeing or disagreeing; you’re just choosing not to engage. This response takes the wind out of their sails because they’re often looking for a reaction from you. When you don’t give them one, the conversation can’t escalate.
Say Less, Stay Calm
In situations where someone is trying to take control of the conversation, less is more. The less you say, the fewer chances they have to twist your words or lead you down a path you don’t want to go. You protect yourself from getting emotionally drained by refusing to dive deep into explanations or justifications.
Instead of going into long explanations, keep your responses short:
- “I see what you’re saying.”
- “I understand.”
- “That’s your view.”
These responses acknowledge the person without letting them control the conversation. By staying neutral and not diving into details, you’re setting boundaries and protecting your peace of mind.
How Short Responses Protect Your Peace
Dr. Ramani’s approach is all about self-protection. By keeping things brief and neutral, you protect yourself from getting pulled into emotional manipulation. The other person may be trying to confuse or dominate you, but your calm, short responses show that you’re not playing their game.
When they don’t get the emotional reaction they want, it takes away their power. They want to get under your skin, but your controlled responses help you stay grounded and in control. In the end, saying less actually gives you more control over the situation.
The next time you find yourself in a conversation that feels like it’s heading toward chaos, remember: don’t defend, don’t engage in a lengthy explanation, and don’t get personal.
Saying less really is more powerful, and sometimes, the strongest response is the one that keeps you calm, clear, and in control.
Mental Matters is a resource and information platform. We do not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While the information on our website is for general awareness and support, it should not replace professional advice. For any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional.
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