I once asked a friend why he ghosted me, and his answer was simply, “I don’t know.”
That was it. No elaborate reason—just an honest, “I don’t know.” It made me stop and reflect because I’ve ghosted more people than I’d like to admit. And most of the time, I didn’t know why either.
Why Do We Ghost?
For me, ghosting has become almost second nature. I’ve ghosted friends, family, and even my partner. And each time, I justified it with excuses like, “I’m too busy,” “I’ll reply later,” or “I’m just not in the mood.” But if I’m honest, it was more about avoiding discomfort than anything else.
After asking others and reflecting on my behaviour, I realised that many of us ghost because it’s easier than facing our feelings. Maybe we’re overwhelmed, anxious, or just don’t know how to handle a situation. It’s a quick escape from awkwardness, but it’s far from harmless.
It’s easy to think ghosting has no real consequences—out of sight, out of mind, right? But when I started listening to those on the receiving end, I realised how hurtful it can be.
One person shared, “It’s depressing, because you don’t know what’s going on or why. You’re left wondering if you did something wrong.”
Another said, “I find it awkward. It takes me a few days to adjust, especially if it’s someone I thought I was close to.”
Then there’s the middle ground. As someone put it, “It really depends—if it’s someone I’m not close to, I don’t take it seriously. But when it’s someone I care about, it feels different.”
I realised that my ghosting wasn’t just about needing space—it left people confused, hurt, and questioning themselves. And that’s not the kind of impact I want to have.
How I’m Working on My Ghosting Habit
Ghosting has often been a way for me to avoid vulnerability. It’s easier to disappear than to say, “I’m struggling right now,” or “I’m not sure how I feel.”
Here’s what I’m trying:
- Being Honest About It: I’ve started being upfront about my ghosting tendencies. It’s not an excuse, but it keeps me accountable. When I notice I’ve gone silent, I reach out and say, “I’m sorry for disappearing; I’ve been dealing with some stuff.”
- Quick Check-Ins: I’ve started sending simple messages when I know I can’t respond fully, like a thumbs-up or a quick, “I’ll reply later!” It’s my way of saying, “I see you, and I’ll get back to you.” It’s not perfect, but it’s better than total silence.
- Setting Boundaries with My Phone: I realised much of my ghosting happens because I feel overwhelmed by notifications. So, I’ve set boundaries—putting my phone on silent when I’m with others, limiting social media scrolling, and reminding myself that I don’t have to be available 24/7.
- Prioritising Face-to-Face Interactions: I’m making an effort to connect with people in person rather than relying on texts or DMs.
- Recognising My Patterns: I’ve started noticing when I’m most likely to ghost—when I’m anxious, overwhelmed, or stressed.
It’s not just about avoiding awkward conversations; it’s about being willing to show up for the people who matter. It’s about being brave enough to say, “I’m struggling,” or “I need a minute,” instead of just disappearing.
Mental Matters is a resource and information platform. We do not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While the information on our website is for general awareness and support, it should not replace professional advice. For any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional.
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