Men feel pressure to conform to this image of masculinity that doesn’t leave any room for vulnerability.
Society tells men to be emotionless robots, the fixers, the providers – never the ones who need help. But everyone struggles sometimes, and depression doesn’t discriminate.
The pressure to be invincible can be a major barrier when it comes to dealing with mental health. We spoke to a few guys who were brave enough to share their stories about battling depression:
1. Harold ~ 42, Accounts Manager
“I’ve been suffering for over 20 years now. It has held me back from pursuing a lot of things I would have loved to have had. A wife, children, a fulfilling career, to name a few. Life is a battle. My anxiousness has turned me into a complete introvert, so I have made very few connections throughout life. My parents are my only real friends and the thought of them dying absolutely terrifies me. I’ve always felt a little bit different to those around me. I find it very hard to socialize.
2. David ~ 38, Teacher
“It has been a shadow hanging over me for years. In the early days, it was a suffocating weight. The fog in my head made it hard to get through the day, let alone function as an individual. I felt trapped in a prison of my own making, with a constant knot of depressing thoughts and feelings in my chest. Talking to anyone, even friends, felt impossible. I didn’t want to burden them with my problems.
Over time, I developed ways to cope with the depression on my own. But in a strange way, it came at a cost. The isolation I built to protect myself turned into a wall. I lost touch with how to connect with people on an emotional level.
3. Xander ~ 35, Software Developer
Growing up, my parents were consumed by their own needs. They weren’t physically abusive after I turned 16, but the emotional abuse only intensified. Maybe it got worse, maybe I just couldn’t handle it anymore. Living in that environment for so long made it hard to recognize unhealthy patterns. At 18, I ended up in a relationship with someone who mirrored that same emotional abuse. The marriage was a nightmare, driving me to the edge and leaving me with PTSD. For a long time, I blamed myself – how could I have gotten myself into similar situations twice?
Healing is a slow process, but I’m finally learning to build a healthier relationship with myself.
4. Daniel ~ 21, Unemployed
I don’t think I’ll ever truly figure this out. It all went downhill in 8th grade (I’m 21 now). I went through a period of depression that got better in the following years, but it never truly went away. It stuck with me all through high school.
Everything feels different since then. I had a pretty good childhood, no real trauma, nothing to complain about logically. But since 8th grade, I haven’t had any real long-term goals, aspirations, or things to look forward to. I did a year of college because that’s what everyone expects, then dropped out. Not knowing what to do with myself, I joined the army.
Building good self-confidence has always been a struggle. I don’t really like anything about myself. Whenever I try to do something for myself or go out and do something, that initial excitement just fades. I end up back home feeling regretful.
5. Niyaz ~ 47, Former Entertainer
A few years back, life was a party. Healthy, active, self-employed entertainer – that was me. But lately, it’s all gone downhill. Health problems kept piling up, and everything just exploded recently. Now, I’m using a walking stick to get around, on disability, feeling like a shadow of my former self.
The depression is the worst part. Constant physical pain is one thing, but not having a diagnosis yet just adds to the frustration. Every day I’m fighting back tears, trying to find the strength to keep going. At 47, I feel utterly useless, a burden on my 76-year-old mom, who’s got her own health issues to deal with.
6. Julian ~ 32, Graphic Designer
For years, my mom’s mental abuse felt like a constant weight on my shoulders. It wasn’t like there were huge blow-ups, but the little digs, the criticisms, the never-ending negativity – it chipped away at me year after year.
How Can We Make A Difference?
- Normalize talking about mental health. Sometimes a simple question – “Hey man, are you okay?” – can open the door to a real conversation. Let men know it’s okay to not be okay.
- Challenge stereotypes. True strength lies in vulnerability and seeking help when you need it. Therapy isn’t just for women or people in crisis. It’s a normal part of self-care.
- Listen without judgment. Create a safe space for men to open up. Be a listening ear, someone they can trust.
- Be an active supporter. Sometimes a helping hand with groceries or chores can take a huge weight off someone’s shoulders.
- Lead by example. If you see a guy struggling, reach out and offer support. Let him see that vulnerability is a sign of strength.
Men, You Matter
Here are some South African helplines that can offer support and guidance:
- SADAG Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0800 567 567
- SA Depression and Anxiety Helpline: 0800 12 13 14
- Lifeline South Africa: 0861 322 322
Mental Matters is a resource and information platform. We do not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While the information on our website is for general awareness and support, it should not replace professional advice. For any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional.
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