Imagine this: It’s Friday night, you’re out with your colleagues. There’s laughter and conversation. You want to connect, to share a story or a laugh, but a wave of unease washes over you. Is it just you, or has the atmosphere shifted? Maybe it’s the fear of saying something wrong, or perhaps it’s the feeling of being overwhelmed by the energy in the room. Whatever the cause, the familiar knot tightens in your stomach, making the idea of talking feel daunting.
Social anxiety can turn even casual interactions into nerve-wracking experiences. Luckily, there are ways to manage it in everyday situations.
Why Does Social Stuff Feel Scary?
Understand your triggers.
Dr. Ali Mattu, a Clinical Psychologist and Anxiety Disorder Expert suggests a powerful technique to understand the root of your social anxiety. This technique involves identifying the specific fear that fuels your anxieties in social situations. The key idea is to uncover the underlying belief that gets triggered when you’re feeling anxious. For example, if you worry about making a bad impression, the underlying fear might be the belief that you’re not good enough or interesting enough. Once you identify this core fear, you can start to challenge its validity and develop coping mechanisms to address it directly.
- Ask Yourself: When I’m socially anxious, I’m afraid people think I am… (Fill in the blank with the first negative thought that pops into your head).
- Dig Deeper: Now, ask yourself: What would that mean about me?
- Keep Going: Finally, ask yourself: What would be the consequences of that?
For more details about understanding your core fears and other techniques for managing social anxiety, you can watch Dr. Ali Mattu’s video, Social Anxiety Disorder and How to Overcome It
Now that we’ve delved into the psychology (or “sciency bit”) behind social anxiety, let’s explore some practical steps you can take to manage it in everyday situations.
Practical Tips for Everyday Wins.
1. Challenge Your Inner Critic
That voice in your head making negative predictions? Acknowledge it, but don’t let it control you. When self-doubt creeps in, counter it with realistic thoughts. If you worry about being boring, remind yourself of your hobbies and experiences.
2. Start Small, Build Confidence
Building social confidence takes time and practice. Begin with manageable interactions. This could be a simple “good morning” to a colleague or chatting with your neighbour. As you feel more comfortable, gradually increase the complexity of your social interactions. Celebrate each successful interaction, no matter how small!
3. Become a Conversation Pro
Nervous silences can be brutal! Sharpen your conversation skills by asking open-ended questions that go beyond “yes” or “no” answers. Actively listen to the other person’s responses and find common ground. People love talking about themselves, so use your listening skills to your advantage!
4. Develop Calming Techniques
Feeling overwhelmed during a conversation? Have a personal toolbox of calming techniques ready. Techniques like deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation can be lifesavers. There are many free online resources to guide you in learning and practicing these techniques effectively.
5. Embrace Imperfections
Social anxiety thrives on the fear of making mistakes. But everyone makes mistakes! Stumbling over your words or forgetting a name is completely normal. Most people won’t even notice, and those who do will quickly forget. The key is to be kind to yourself and move on.
Bonus Tips:
- Overcome the fear of anxiety: Many people try to fight their anxiety, but this can backfire. Instead, accept your anxiety and understand it’s a natural response.
- Try exposure therapy: Gradually expose yourself to situations that trigger your anxiety. Start small and work your way up.
- Get feedback (totally optional): Consider asking friends or family for feedback to understand how you come across in social situations.
Learn more: Generalised Anxiety Disorder Explained
Social anxiety may feel isolating, but remember, there’s a whole community out there who understands. Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, family, therapists, or online support groups. Sharing your struggles can be incredibly empowering, and you might be surprised by the support you find.
Mental Matters is a resource and information platform. We do not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While the information on our website is for general awareness and support, it should not replace professional advice. For any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional
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General Practitioner Johannesburg
