Relationships are full of lessons, and one of the biggest truths mine has taught me is that conflict often arises when you can’t express what you truly feel or when the other person just doesn’t get it.
It sounds simple, but it’s anything but.
At first, talking seems easy. You share, they listen, and everything feels good. But then come those moments when words just don’t seem to cut it.
You try to explain, but the words don’t quite capture what’s going on inside. Maybe you’re unsure how to phrase it or worried about how it’ll come across.
Either way, you end up feeling misunderstood. In your mind, it all makes perfect sense—but getting it out in a way that the other person truly understands? That’s where things get tricky.
And just like that, tension builds.
Does this sound familiar?
In my relationship, this happens more often than I’d like to admit.
I find myself trying to explain my feelings, but they don’t land as I expect. My partner might hear my words, but it feels like he’s missing the emotion behind them.
That’s when the arguments start—not because we don’t care, but because we’re speaking different emotional languages.
It goes both ways. There are times when my partner struggles to express his feelings, and I’m left trying to piece it together. Sometimes, his emotions just seem out of reach.
It’s frustrating because I want to understand—I really do—but sometimes, I just can’t. And that’s a hard pill to swallow.
Even if I don’t fully grasp what he’s going through, I can still recognise that his feelings are real and valid.
Creating a space where both of us feel heard, even when we don’t fully understand each other, becomes crucial. Sometimes, that’s all we can do—be there and show we’re trying.
So, how do we deal with this? For me, it’s about asking questions and being open to different ways of communicating.
Instead of fixating on words, I focus on the feelings behind them. I ask, “Can you help me understand?” or “Is there another way to explain it?”
It’s not about perfect communication; it’s about being willing to keep trying.
In my relationship, we’ve learned that it’s okay to fumble with words, as long as we’re both committed to figuring it out together.
Conflict isn’t the enemy. Often, it’s just a sign that we need to address a disconnect.
When we hit that communication wall, it’s an opportunity to dig deeper and understand each other better. It’s not always easy, and sometimes it feels like more effort than it’s worth—but it usually is worth it.
The biggest truth my relationship has taught me is that communication goes beyond just talking.
It’s about being patient with yourself and your partner and recognising that understanding sometimes takes time.
What matters most is that both of you are in it for the long haul, ready to bridge the gap, even when it’s tough.
Mental Matters is a resource and information platform. We do not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While the information on our website is for general awareness and support, it should not replace professional advice. For any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional.
Abigail Simpson Educational Psychologist Claremont
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