This story was shared by a member of our community and has been edited for clarity and to protect privacy.
It all started innocently enough. My sister-in-law would call me up, complaining about how annoying my brother was. At first, I didn’t think much of it—it’s normal for couples to have their ups and downs. But as time went on, I realised these calls weren’t occasional. They were frequent. Very frequent.
The conversation would usually go something like this:
Her: “He’s so annoying.”
Me: “What’s he doing that’s annoying?”
Her: “Everything!”
It was always “everything.” She never got specific, which left me with nothing to really go on. The more she called, the more I found myself in the uncomfortable role of being a go-between for them.
My brother has a demanding job, and I know he works hard. But his wife feels undervalued. She doesn’t think he’s doing enough at home or that he’s paying attention to her needs. I completely understand her frustrations, but I hate that I’ve become the middleman. I’m now in the position of hearing both sides, trying to make sense of the situation, when really, this isn’t my battle to fight.
The hardest part is, I care deeply about both of them. I love my brother, and I have a lot of respect for his wife. I hate seeing them struggle, and I’d hate even more to see their relationship fall apart. There’s a part of me that wants to help, to fix things. But the truth is, I’ve reached a point where I can’t do it anymore.
I need to step back and tell them, “This is something for you two to figure out.” But at the same time, I feel terrible. What if they think I’m abandoning them? What if stepping back makes things worse?
I realise now that staying in the middle isn’t healthy—for them or for me. As much as I care, I’ve got to put up some boundaries for the sake of my own wellbeing. They need to work through their issues without me playing mediator. But still, I feel guilty, and I’m wondering if I’m doing the right thing.
Being caught in the middle of two people you love can feel like an impossible situation, but it’s okay to step back and set boundaries. Ultimately, their relationship is for them to figure out, and the best support you can offer might just be encouraging them to work through things together.
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