“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” ~ Aristotle
Have you ever felt like you’re putting in the effort to connect with others, but your attempts keep falling flat? You share a funny story, but crickets.
You try to have a heart-to-heart conversation, but it explodes into an argument. You pitch a brilliant idea, but your colleagues seem underwhelmed. It’s like you’re speaking a different language!
There might be a simple explanation: a lack of self-awareness. This doesn’t just mean knowing yourself (your emotions, values, etc.), but also understanding how others perceive you.
A lack of awareness, particularly how others perceive you, can lead to all those frustrating situations. Maybe your friend found your story a bit too loud, your partner felt unheard in the serious conversation, or your colleagues didn’t quite grasp the brilliance of your idea because of how you presented it.
1. The Two Sides of Self-Awareness
Dr. Tasha Eurich, a renowned Organisational Psychologist, suggests there are actually two key aspects to self-awareness:
- Internal awareness: This is understanding your emotions, values, and what makes you tick. Basically, figuring out your own internal world.
- External awareness: This is about recognising how your actions, words, and even body language might be interpreted by others. It’s like seeing yourself from their perspective.
2. The Blind Spots That Trip Us Up
But even the most experienced people can have blind spots. Take Michael, for instance, a brilliant engineer who consistently dominates meetings with his technical expertise.
While Michael sees himself as simply passionate and engaged, his colleagues might feel shut out or even intimidated by his constant input, making it harder to brainstorm freely.
The boss who keeps micromanaging might not realise they’re creating a stressful environment. And the colleague who takes credit for others’ work might just be oblivious, not malicious.
Why is this?
Dr. Eurich’s research suggests that experience can sometimes work against us. We get stuck in our ways and don’t realise how we might be coming across to others.
Additionally, Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a Clinical Psychologist known for her work on narcissism and relationships, emphasises how people with low self-awareness often struggle to recognise their emotional triggers.
This can lead to them reacting impulsively or misinterpreting situations. For example, someone unaware of their sensitivity to criticism might become defensive during a performance review, shutting down constructive feedback.
3. How Do We Work on Becoming More Self-Aware?
Self-awareness isn’t some mystical power. It’s a skill you can develop, just like learning a new recipe. Here are some tips:
Internal Awareness:
- Journaling: Taking time to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and experiences in a journal can help you identify patterns and gain a deeper understanding of your internal world.
- Mindfulness practices: Meditation and other mindfulness exercises can help you become more aware of your emotions in the moment and how they might be influencing your thoughts and actions. Mindfulness expert, Bianca Browne says, ” Mindfulness is not about trying to be different in some way or reach a certain state of being. Rather, it is about allowing yourself to be where you are, exactly as you are, with no judgement.”
External Awareness:
- Get feedback: Ask your family, friends, colleagues, or even a therapist for honest feedback on your communication style and how you come across in different situations.
- Body language: Pay attention to your non-verbal cues like posture, facial expressions, and eye contact. Consider how they might be interpreted by others. “Research tells us liars tend to gesture less, touch less, and move their arms and legs less than honest people (Vrij, 2003, 65).”
― Joe Navarro, What Every Body is Saying: An FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People - Observe reactions: Notice how people respond to you in conversations. Do they seem engaged, confused, or bored?
- Consider different perspectives: Try to see things from the other person’s point of view. What might they be thinking or feeling during your interactions?
Additional Tips:
- Step outside your comfort zone: Talking to new people and trying new things can expose you to fresh perspectives on how you interact with others.
- Embrace learning moments: We all have experiences where we miss the mark. Instead of dwelling on them, view them as opportunities to learn and grow.
- Be open to change: Be willing to adjust your behaviour and communication style based on the feedback you receive.
We all mess up sometimes. We say the wrong thing, misread a situation, or come across way too intense when we just wanted to be helpful. Self-awareness can help bridge the gap between how we see ourselves and how others perceive us.
Mental Matters is a resource and information platform. We do not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While the information on our website is for general awareness and support, it should not replace professional advice. For any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional.
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