Mental Matters

Author name: Staff Writer

I Wasn't Raised — I Was Controlled

I Wasn’t Raised — I Was Controlled

Blog, Mental Health, Stories & Experiences /

They said we were close. But close isn’t the word. It was tight. Suffocating. Like being wrapped in plastic with no air holes. They called it love. But it felt like a list of expectations I never agreed to. You don’t question the rules. Or make your own choices. And you don’t breathe too loudly. Because someone will take it personally. They’d say, “We just want what’s best for you.” But “best” always meant what they wanted. I couldn’t pick a school without drama.A job without commentary.Even the way I dressed was up for discussion.Apparently, everything about me was up for discussion. I remember thinking,This is just how families are.Maybe everyone walks on eggshells.Maybe this is how everyone feels. But then I met people whose familiesdidn’t make them feel small.Who didn’t guilt them for existing.Didn’t demand loyalty like some twisted tax. And I started to realiseI wasn’t just “the difficult one.”I was just… tired. Tired of having to explain myself.Of pretending their behaviour was normal.Tired of being made to feel guiltyfor wanting peace. One day, I asked my therapist,“Have I just become numb?”She didn’t answer right away.Just looked at me with that facethat says: You already know. And I did. It wasn’t love.Not really.It was control.Wrapped in tradition.Laced with guilt.Masked as care. And now, I’m slowly unlearning.Letting myself feel again.Trusting that I’m allowed to existoutside the roles they wrote for me. Reviewed April 2025. Always consult a professional for individual guidance.

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Hand holding an ultrasound image of a foetus

What is Hydrops Fetalis?

Explainer Guides, Life Stages & Situations, Mental Health, Pregnancy & Parenthood /

When you’re handed the word “hydrops,” it doesn’t come with a handbook. Most people have never even heard of it. Even fewer know what it means. I hadn’t. Not until one of my babies was diagnosed with it. And even then, I had to piece the information together between scans, quiet nods from doctors, and Google searches at 2 a.m. This is the article I wish someone had handed me. So, what is hydrops fetalis? Hydrops fetalis (or simply “hydrops”) is a rare and serious condition that occurs when an abnormal amount of fluid builds up in at least two areas of a baby’s body. These areas may include the skin, lungs, abdomen, or around the heart. The fluid buildup can put pressure on the baby’s organs, making it hard for them to work properly. There are two types of hydrops fetalis: In my case, they couldn’t say what caused it. One twin was growing normally. The other had fluid surrounding his organs. They used terms like high risk, no survival rate, and nature will take its course. 👉 I Lost a Child and They Told Me to Be Grateful Hydrops fetalis is usually diagnosed through an ultrasound, where fluid pockets are detected in the baby’s body. Depending on the cause, it can be life-threatening, and in many cases, the prognosis is poor. Early diagnosis and management depend heavily on the underlying cause. Treatment options may include interventions during pregnancy or preparations for intensive care after birth, but often, especially in severe cases, there’s very little that can be done. What they don’t always tell you Doctors try to be kind and factual, but there’s so much you might not hear in consultations. Things like: The uncertainty can be agonising. You’re forced to live week to week—sometimes day to day—waiting, hoping, fearing. You’ll likely hear the medical facts, but the emotional toll and all the grey areas in between are harder to speak about. Having someone explain those gaps, or even acknowledge them, can make you feel a little more human in a deeply clinical process. Why we should be talking about it Hydrops fetalis is rare, but silence makes it feel even rarer. Many people never speak about it. There’s often loss involved, or complicated pregnancies. There’s fear, grief, confusion—and sometimes shame. But by talking about it, we make space for others to find understanding, connection, and support. Parents deserve to know they’re not alone. Even in the hardest, most uncertain pregnancies. Sharing stories and facts won’t take away the pain, but it might offer comfort. Reviewed April 2025. Always consult a professional for individual guidance.

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Small white baby shoes on a person's lap

I Lost a Child and They Told Me to Be Grateful

Blog, Life Stages & Situations, Mental Health, Pregnancy & Parenthood, Stories & Experiences /

“Loss is part of life.” I have to admit, those words never sat well with me. Not because I don’t believe them—but because they felt like they rushed me through something I wasn’t ready to face. They seemed to suggest that grief has a timetable. That if I just remembered what I still had, I’d be fine. But nothing could have prepared me for the loss of a second child. And the pain that would follow. The shock of expecting twins I was familiar with loss before this. But this felt so different. And I never expected the pregnancy of my second-born to become part of my grief story. At first, it was the shock of falling pregnant again—unexpected, yes, but something I could come to terms with. Then came the next surprise: twins. I had barely wrapped my head around that news when I heard the words no expecting mother ever wants to hear: “It doesn’t look like the one baby will make it.” I went numb. I heard the doctor speaking, but it felt like I was floating outside my body. Half listening. Half in disbelief. So many questions, no real answers What is a hydrops baby?You’re saying he might make it to term… then what?How do I know the other twin will be okay?What does “high risk” in this case actually mean?Will I have to go through another c-section—after the trauma of my last one? I had a hundred questions and no energy to ask any of them. I just listened. Quietly panicked. Here’s what I was told: Each appointment filled me with dread. I’d hold my breath, wondering if today would be the day they told me his heart had stopped. The grief you can’t talk about At 16 weeks, I lost my baby. I felt a strange mix of sadness and relief. Relief that his little body wouldn’t have to fight anymore. But sadness that I never got to meet him. Never got to know who he would be. People tried to comfort me with reminders that I still had one healthy baby growing inside me. That I had a toddler at home who needed me. That I had reasons to stay strong, and to be grateful. They meant well—but those words didn’t help. Because even though I still had children to love, I had lost one. And it felt like there wasn’t room to talk about that grief. Like I wasn’t allowed to mourn in my own way, in my own time. So, I buried it. Tucked it away in the quiet corners of my story. It’s taken time—and courage—to write this down. I used to think that talking about it would make people uncomfortable. That it might sound ungrateful, because I still had a baby to hold. But now I know this: I lost my baby at 16 weeks. And that loss matters—even if I never got to bring him home. To anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss, or the complicated emotions of a high-risk pregnancy: you are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to feel everything, even if others don’t fully understand. Reviewed April 2025. Always consult a professional for individual guidance.

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Old-fashioned telephone with receiver off the hook

I Prefer Texts Over Calls

Articles & Guides, Explainer Guides /

Texts over calls – what does that say about my personality? If you’re someone who sees an incoming call and lets it ring out before texting back with a polite “Hey, what’s up?”, you’re not alone. Many people prefer texting to phone calls—and it turns out, that preference can say quite a bit about your personality and communication style. Here is why you may prefer texts over calls: 1. You like time to think before responding Texting gives you space to gather your thoughts. If you find phone calls overwhelming or feel pressure to respond quickly, it could mean you’re a reflective thinker. You prefer processing your thoughts before sharing them, and texting gives you that buffer. 2. You’re introverted or value boundaries If you get drained by long or spontaneous conversations, your preference for texting could reflect an introverted personality. Texting allows you to connect without the intensity of a live conversation—and without feeling “on the spot.” 3. You manage social energy carefully Texting lets you control when and how you engage with others. You might be someone who needs time to recharge or who prefers managing communication on your own terms. This isn’t avoidance—it’s thoughtful energy management. 4. You find calls overstimulating Phone calls can come with unexpected emotions, background noise, or distractions. If you feel more in control or calmer when texting, it may be because you’re sensitive to sensory input or prefer a more structured way of interacting. 5. You still value connection—just differently Choosing texts over calls doesn’t mean you’re cold or distant. In fact, many people who prefer texting are incredibly thoughtful. They just show it differently—by checking in, sending memes, sharing voice notes, or writing meaningful messages. Preferring texts doesn’t make you antisocial—it might just mean you value calm, clarity, and communication on your terms. And in a world that often demands constant connection, setting those boundaries is a strength. So whether it’s a quick meme or a heartfelt message, how you communicate is valid—and learning what works best for you is part of showing up authentically. Do you prefer texts over calls? What do you think it says about you? Reviewed April 2025. Always consult a professional for individual guidance.

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Burning matchstick symbolising mental and emotional burnout

Recognising Burnout Early

Burnout, Live Better /

“Just give me a minute…” We say it to others. We say it to ourselves. But what we’re really asking for is space—to breathe, to catch up, to just be for a second. Burnout doesn’t always arrive with sirens or meltdowns. Often, it shows up quietly. It’s sitting in your car a little longer before going inside.It’s staring at your inbox, frozen.It’s ignoring messages because replying feels like too much.It’s snapping when you don’t mean to—and feeling guilty for it. You’re functioning, technically. But you’re not fully there.The joy, peace, and spark you used to feel? Distant. At first, you tell yourself it’s just a rough week.But then that week turns into two. Then a month.And slowly, this numb, stretched-thin version of life starts to feel normal. But. You don’t have to wait until you’re completely depleted to notice something’s off. You can catch burnout when tired starts becoming something deeper.When rest doesn’t work like it used to.When you stop recognising yourself in the middle of the doing and rushing. Burnout doesn’t mean you’re weak.It usually means you’ve been strong for too long—without pausing. You’ve been holding everything together, even when no one sees it.And now, your body and mind are asking for care, not pressure. So here’s your reminder: It’s okay to step back. It’s okay to not feel okay. You don’t have to earn your rest. If your body says pause—listen.If your chest feels heavy—slow down.Don’t wait for a breaking point to take care of yourself. Take the minute.Take ten.Take what you need. Recognising burnout early – watch the signs below. Search our directory to find professionals near you. Reviewed April 2025. Always consult a professional for individual guidance.

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Virtual support session for neurodivergent individual

Online Support for Neurodivergent Individuals

ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, Mental Health, Neurodevelopmental Conditions, Therapies & Support Options /

Accessing support as a neurodivergent individual—or as a parent or caregiver—shouldn’t be limited by location. Thankfully, a growing number of organisations offer online support for neurodivergent individuals through programmes and virtual communities built around acceptance, understanding, and meaningful connection. Whether you’re looking for peer support, parenting guidance, or employment pathways, these online platforms make it easier to find your tribe and get the help you need—wherever you are. The Neurodiversity Centre Designed with inclusivity at its core, The Neurodiversity Centre offers online, goal-directed support groups for a range of neurodivergent people. These include virtual spaces for autistic women and men, teenagers, and adults navigating Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). Parents of children with PDA also have a safe and supportive space to share experiences and strategies. These sessions encourage belonging, understanding, and personalised growth—without ever having to leave your home. The Neurodiversity Hub (Australia) More than just a website, The Neurodiversity Hub is a global community of practice developed by Untapped Talent. Built from the contributions of academics, professionals, and advocates, it champions inclusive employment for neurodivergent individuals—especially young adults. Their platform connects users to resources, training, mentorship, and tailored programs that unlock hidden talent, while also supporting veterans, elite athletes, and First Nations individuals. The Hub is a home for those who want to thrive in the workplace—and beyond. ADDA (Attention Deficit Disorder Association) ADDA offers dynamic, virtual peer groups and online support programs for adults with ADHD. Their sessions cover a wide range of needs, from ADHD beginners to women over 50, young adults, men with ADHD, and even those looking to build healthy daily habits. Groups meet bi-weekly, offering consistency and real connection. Whether you’re seeking advice, friendship, or structure, ADDA’s online space helps ADHDers feel seen and supported. National Autistic Society (UK) While based in the UK, the National Autistic Society provides online access to various support services including outreach, family guidance, and online social groups. Their virtual offerings are rooted in decades of advocacy and experience, ensuring that autistic individuals and families receive trustworthy, affirming help—even from afar. Whether you’re looking for information, interaction, or a sense of community, they offer a reliable digital lifeline. Reviewed April 2025. Always consult a professional for individual guidance.

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Neurodiversity Support Centres By Province

Neurodiversity Support Centres By Province

Mental Health, Neurodevelopmental Conditions, Therapies & Support Options /

South Africa is home to a growing number of neurodiversity-affirming centres that offer safe, inclusive spaces for autistic individuals, ADHDers, and others who identify as neurodivergent. This guide breaks down some of the key support centres available across each province—helping you find the right resources, closer to home. Gauteng 1. The Neurodiversity Hive (Pretoria) Brooklyn, Pretoriandhive.co.za At The Neurodiversity Hive, the team champions a neurodiversity-affirming approach. Instead of labelling behaviours as disorders, they recognise them as natural variations in human functioning. They actively challenge the belief that neurodivergent individuals need fixing. Instead, they work closely with each client to understand their personal history and needs, helping them navigate and thrive in a predominantly neurotypical world. Their services include assessments, therapy, and parent support, all delivered in a sensory-friendly, welcoming environment. 2. Spectrum Centre (Johannesburg) Randburg & Edenvalespectrumcentre.co.za Spectrum Centre focuses on autism and ADHD in adults, offering tailored assessments and long-term support. They host a free two-hour virtual autism workshop and run both online and in-person support groups for autistic adults. Spectrum helps adults better understand themselves, build self-confidence, and gain the tools to advocate for their needs in work, relationships, and everyday life. 3. Rise Neurodiversity Centre (Pretoria) Garsfontein, Pretoriarisendcentre.co.za Rise Neurodiversity Centre provides child-centred, neurodiversity-affirming support for children with autism and related learning differences. Guided by Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, Rise puts love and belonging at the core of its work. Their team helps children feel safe, accepted, and capable of reaching their potential. They focus on connection first, then tailor support and therapy to meet each child’s unique developmental path. Western Cape 1. Neurodiversity Centre (Multiple Locations) Rondebosch, Durbanville, Paarl, Stellenbosch, Somerset West, Table View, George, Vredendal, Hermanusneurodiversitycentre.co.za The Neurodiversity Centre operates across the Western Cape, offering comprehensive, multidisciplinary support to children, teens, and adults. Their skilled team provides: They empower neurodivergent individuals by helping them embrace their identities, strengthen their skills, and access inclusive environments. 2. GlenBridge Special School Diep River, Cape Townglenbridgeschool.co.za GlenBridge Special School offers remedial education to learners with intellectual and developmental challenges, including autism. Established in 1975, the school became one of the first to welcome all races during apartheid. Today, GlenBridge provides learners with a tailored curriculum from Grade 1 to Grade 12, helping them build academic confidence, social skills, and life readiness. The school’s committed team creates a safe, structured environment that celebrates each learner’s growth. KwaZulu-Natal Neurodiversity Centre KZN Durban North, Salt Rock, Hiltonneurodiversitycentre.co.za Clinical Psychologist Nikki Simons launched the Neurodiversity Centre KZN in 2023, drawing on decades of experience in both South Africa and the UK. Her team offers: They actively promote inclusion and mental well-being across KwaZulu-Natal. By combining compassion with evidence-based care, they help neurodivergent individuals thrive at school, work, and home. Eastern Cape Autism Matters RSA Gqeberha (Port Elizabeth)autismmatters.co.za Autism Matters RSA is a non-profit organisation created by a group of dedicated parents. They established specialised classrooms for autistic children and young adults across the Nelson Mandela Bay Metro to fill the gap left by the lack of inclusive schools. Their reach includes schools in Wells Estate, Zwide, Uitenhage, and Gqeberha’s northern areas. Beyond education, they provide: Autism Matters advocates for systemic change while offering hands-on support. They continue to build a more inclusive and accepting future for autistic South Africans. Reviewed April 2025. Always consult a professional for individual guidance.

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Neurodiversity Support Centres in South Africa

Neurodiversity Support Centres in South Africa

Mental Health, Neurodevelopmental Conditions, Therapies & Support Options /

Finding the right support when you or your child is neurodivergent can be overwhelming. Whether you’re navigating an autism diagnosis, ADHD, or another neurodevelopmental condition, access to the right people, tools, and services can make a huge difference. Thankfully, there are organisations in South Africa that offer practical help, education, community, and understanding. This article lists some of the key centres and non-profits making an impact, both nationally and regionally. National organisations These organisations offer support across South Africa or have multiple branches that serve various communities. 1. The Academy for Adults with Autism Cape Town (Southern Suburbs)adultswithautism.org.za The Academy for Adults with Autism is a non-profit based in Cape Town, working to create better opportunities and care for adults on the autism spectrum. They were founded in 2007 and began as a small social support group for families and caregivers. Today, they’ve grown to include: They also offer online and correspondence-based support for families who need advice, referrals, or someone who understands what they’re going through. 2. Autism Resources South Africa Online / Nationalautismresources.co.za This site was started by two parents raising neurodivergent kids. Their journey through diagnosis (including ADHD, anxiety, and even bipolar disorder) was confusing and exhausting. In the process, they collected helpful articles, books, and tools—and now they’re sharing them with others. The platform is filled with real-life advice, things that actually helped them, and a touch of humour. They even help parents source and import useful tools (like no-tie shoelaces!) that aren’t easily available in South Africa. 3. Goldilocks and The Bear Foundation Various locationsgb4adhd.co.za Goldilocks and The Bear was born in 2017 when Prof. Renata Schoeman (a psychiatrist) and Nic de Beer ran a trail race to raise funds for children with ADHD—only to find no existing non-profit in South Africa was offering that kind of help. So, they created one. The foundation offers free ADHD screening and early intervention services, making it one of the first in South Africa to do so. They work directly with schools and communities to identify and support children who need it early on. 4. Neurodiversity Centre Western Cape HQ, with national branches and outreachneurodiversitycentre.co.za The Neurodiversity Centre (NDC) supports individuals and families with a range of neurodevelopmental conditions—from autism and ADHD to other learning and mental health differences. Inspired by international pioneers in the field, the Centre was formally established in 2016. Today, the NDC operates eight branches across the country and partners with local support teams to offer care, diagnosis, therapy, and training. They also run: The Neurodiversity Foundation, their non-profit arm, focuses on helping families without access to private healthcare. Based in the Breede Valley, the foundation offers community-based early intervention, research, and capacity-building, aiming to bridge the massive service gaps that still exist. 👉 Next: Neurodiversity support by province Reviewed April 2025. Always consult a professional for individual guidance.

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South Africa's Teenage Pregnancy Challenge

South Africa’s Teenage Pregnancy Challenge

Children, Teens & Young Adults, Life Stages & Situations, Mental Health, Pregnancy & Parenthood /

Study on Teenage Pregnancy in South Africa: What the Report Reveals and Recommends South Africa’s Department of Social Development (DSD) evaluated how current policies and programmes address teenage pregnancy. The study uncovered key challenges, highlighted regional differences, and outlined clear recommendations to reduce teenage pregnancy and better support young people Regional differences and causes The study revealed that teenage pregnancy rates are highest in KwaZulu-Natal (18.1%) and Limpopo (17.4%). Mpumalanga (17.0%), Eastern Cape (16.8%), and North-West (16.0%) also show significantly high rates. Several factors contribute to these numbers: Key recommendations from the study National and provincial departments—including the Department of Social Development (DSD), Department of Health (DOH), and Department of Basic Education (DBE)—must clearly define their roles. Provincial governments and municipalities need to activate coordination forums within the next 6 to 12 months. DSD, DOH, DBE, and Statistics South Africa (Stats SA) must integrate information systems and start reporting regularly on teenage pregnancy indicators within 12 to 18 months to ensure better tracking and informed planning. DSD, the National Youth Development Agency (NYDA), and youth-focused civil society organisations (CSOs) must lead regular youth consultations to ensure programmes align with the actual needs of young people. DBE, DSD, and NGOs must scale up prevention programmes in schools and communities within the next 6 to 12 months to encourage healthier choices. SAPS, the Department of Justice (DOJ), DSD, and community structures must step up the enforcement of laws protecting girls aged 10 to 14. DSD, DOH, DBE, and local governments must adopt GIS tools within 12 months to plan services and allocate resources more effectively. Sector-specific actions This study outlines a clear, actionable roadmap for addressing South Africa’s teenage pregnancy challenge. By focusing on coordination, data, youth involvement, and improved services, the country can create real change. And, support a healthier, brighter future for its young people. Study: Diagnostic Evaluation of the Government’s Response to Teenage Pregnancy in South Africa (Final Report 2025) Reviewed April 2025. Always consult a professional for individual guidance.

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living with autism

Living with Autism

Autism Spectrum Disorder, Mental Health, Neurodevelopmental Conditions /

Living with autism is not just about therapies or diagnosis—it’s about real life, every day. People on the autism spectrum experience the world in different ways, and with the right support, they can live happy and meaningful lives. Everyday life People with autism often enjoy structure and routine. Some may have sensory sensitivities—certain sounds, lights or textures might feel overwhelming. Tools like visual schedules or quiet spaces can make a big difference in managing day-to-day life. Friendships and relationships Many autistic people want friendships, but social rules can be hard to understand. They might struggle to pick up on body language or tone of voice. Support like social skills groups or peer clubs can help children and adults connect in ways that feel comfortable and natural to them. Families and partners also benefit from learning more about autism to strengthen relationships built on respect and understanding. Support at school and work Children with autism often need extra help at school. In South Africa, public school support can be limited and varies by region. Some schools offer classroom aides, sensory-friendly environments or Individualised Education Plans (IEPs), but access isn’t always equal. In the UK, support is more structured. Children can access SEN (Special Educational Needs) services or apply for an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP). Adults in the workplace may need adjustments, like quiet workspaces or clear instructions, to help them succeed. Building independence Everyone’s needs are different. Some autistic individuals may live independently, while others need daily support. Life skills coaching, assistive devices, or supported housing can all help people grow in confidence and lead fulfilling lives. Community and connection Feeling part of a community is important. Many autistic people find support in local groups or online communities. These spaces allow them to connect with others who understand, share advice, and celebrate neurodiversity. Mental health and wellbeing Autistic people may face challenges like anxiety, depression or burnout. Good mental health support is essential. In South Africa, these services are limited—especially in public healthcare. NGOs like Autism South Africa can be helpful. In the UK, support is more widely available through the NHS. Resources South Africa: United Kingdom: Reviewed April 2025. Always consult a professional for individual guidance.

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