Mental Matters

Author name: Staff Writer

Healing: 5 Books Worth Reading

Books & Apps, Resources /

Healing isn’t easy. If it were, we’d all bounce back from heartbreak, loss, or pain without any struggle. The truth is, healing is a pretty tough journey with lots of ups and downs along the way. It takes time, patience, and a good bit of self-reflection. But even though it’s hard, there’s a chance to grow and learn. Books that speak to our experiences can be a wonderful source of comfort and support. They remind us that we’re not alone and that healing isn’t just about getting better—it’s about becoming a stronger, more authentic version of ourselves. Five books to read on your healing journey: 1. “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown Why it’s worth reading: This book digs into why it’s okay—and actually freeing—to let go of perfectionism and embrace vulnerability. Moreover, Brené Brown shares her research and personal insights about self-acceptance and the courage to be imperfect, which is especially powerful for people who feel pressured to meet others’ standards. Brown’s advice on practicing self-compassion and setting boundaries makes this a guide for anyone needing a boost in self-confidence and authenticity. 2. “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle Why it’s worth reading: Doyle’s story is a powerful reminder that you don’t need to fit into anyone else’s expectations. She shares her journey of leaving behind a “perfect” life, listening to her inner voice, and finding the courage to embrace her true self. Her honesty is refreshing, and she tackles the messiness of real growth without sugarcoating it. Untamed shows that life gets better when you stop asking for permission to live on your own terms. 3. “You Are a Badass” by Jen Sincero Why it’s worth reading: Sincero’s tone is fun and no-nonsense, making her advice about self-belief and motivation easy to digest. She breaks down common mental blocks and self-sabotaging habits, encouraging readers to get out of their comfort zones and chase their dreams unapologetically. It’s full of real, practical steps and relatable stories, which make it an inspiring read if you’re ready to start taking control and building a life you love. 4. “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie This classic is a must-read for anyone who feels caught in codependent or controlling relationships. In it, Beattie shares valuable insights into the cycles of over-giving, people-pleasing, and losing yourself to others’ needs. Her advice on how to set healthy boundaries and re-center your life on what you truly need is invaluable for those wanting to regain their independence and inner strength. Beattie’s compassionate voice makes this especially comforting for readers who feel like they’re not alone in their struggles. 5. “Women Who Run With the Wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estés Why it’s worth reading: Using timeless myths and stories, Estés dives into the deep, instinctual wisdom within every person, especially women. She explains that reclaiming our “wild” self—our true, instinctive nature—is key to breaking free from limiting beliefs or situations. Her storytelling approach and use of archetypes help you reconnect with your intuition, courage, and the parts of you that might feel suppressed or neglected. It’s empowering for anyone wanting to reconnect with their inner strength and individuality. Mental Matters is a resource and information platform and does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The information on this site is for general awareness and support. For any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional. Nicholas William Bayley Psychotherapist Reading Mental Health Books Worth Reading Growing Space – Counselling Worthing Beach House Chiropractic Worthing Christine Boyd Psychotherapists Reading

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Different Types of Behavioural Therapies

1 Comment / Explainers, Therapy Types /

Behavioural therapies are a group of therapeutic approaches that focus on helping individuals modify harmful or disruptive behaviours and develop healthier patterns. These therapies are based on the principles of learning and aim to help people change their behaviours through various techniques such as reinforcement, punishment, and cognitive restructuring. Behavioural therapies are often used to treat a wide range of mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and personality disorders. Here’s an overview of some of the most commonly used behavioural therapies: 1. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) What it is:Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is one of the most widely used and researched forms of behavioural therapy. CBT focuses on identifying and challenging negative thought patterns that influence behaviours and emotions. By changing distorted thinking, individuals can develop healthier responses to stress and triggers. How it works:CBT teaches individuals to recognise irrational or harmful thoughts and replace them with more balanced, realistic ones. The therapy also helps people develop coping skills to manage emotional responses and behaviours. CBT is highly structured and often short-term, involving techniques such as cognitive restructuring, exposure therapy, and mindfulness practices. Conditions treated: Example:A person with social anxiety may learn to challenge thoughts like, “Everyone is judging me,” by testing these beliefs in social situations. Over time, they develop healthier beliefs and become less anxious in social settings. 2. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) What it is:Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) was originally developed to treat borderline personality disorder (BPD), but it is now used for a range of conditions involving emotional regulation. DBT combines cognitive behavioural techniques with mindfulness practices to help individuals manage intense emotions and improve relationships. How it works:DBT is structured around four main components: Conditions treated: Example:Someone with BPD might learn to manage feelings of abandonment by practising mindfulness and using distress tolerance skills, rather than reacting impulsively or destructively in relationships. 3. Exposure Therapy What it is:Exposure therapy is a specific form of CBT that focuses on helping individuals confront their fears in a controlled and safe environment. It is often used for anxiety-related disorders where avoidance behaviours are present. How it works:The therapist gradually exposes the person to the source of their fear or anxiety in a step-by-step process. The exposure starts with situations that cause the least anxiety and progressively moves toward those that cause more. Over time, repeated exposure helps reduce the person’s fear response. Conditions treated: Example:A person with a fear of flying may start by looking at pictures of planes, then move to visiting an airport, and eventually take short flights as part of the therapeutic process, reducing their anxiety with each step. 4. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) What it is:Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a form of behavioural therapy that encourages individuals to accept their thoughts and feelings rather than fighting or avoiding them. It also focuses on taking committed actions that align with their values. How it works:ACT emphasises psychological flexibility, helping individuals to accept the difficult emotions that arise in life while committing to actions that bring meaning and purpose. The therapy combines mindfulness, acceptance strategies, and behaviour change techniques to improve mental well-being. Conditions treated: Example:A person struggling with anxiety might learn to accept their anxious feelings without trying to suppress or control them. Instead, they focus on taking meaningful actions (like attending a social event) in line with their personal values, despite the anxiety. 5. Behavioural Activation What it is:Behavioural activation is a structured, goal-oriented therapy aimed at helping individuals with depression. It focuses on increasing engagement in meaningful activities to improve mood and reduce depressive symptoms. How it works:In behavioural activation, individuals identify activities they once enjoyed or found meaningful but have since avoided due to their depression. The therapist helps them gradually re-engage in these activities, leading to a positive feedback loop of improved mood and greater motivation. Conditions treated: Example:A person with depression might be encouraged to start small by going for short walks or socialising with a friend, gradually building up to more complex activities as their mood improves. 6. Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) What it is:EMDR is a therapeutic approach that is particularly effective for treating trauma and PTSD. It involves using eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation to help process and integrate traumatic memories. How it works:During EMDR, the therapist guides the individual to recall distressing events while simultaneously engaging in bilateral stimulation (such as following the therapist’s finger with their eyes). This process helps desensitise the emotional impact of traumatic memories and allows the brain to reprocess the memories in a healthier way. Conditions treated: Example:A person who experienced a traumatic event might use EMDR to reduce the emotional intensity of the memory, helping them process the trauma without becoming overwhelmed by it. 7. Systematic Desensitisation What it is:Systematic desensitisation is a form of exposure therapy specifically designed to treat phobias and anxiety disorders. It involves gradually exposing individuals to the source of their fear while teaching relaxation techniques. How it works:The therapist creates a hierarchy of fears, starting with the least anxiety-provoking situation and working up to the most feared. At each step, the person learns to remain relaxed and calm, gradually reducing their anxiety response over time. Conditions treated: Example:A person with a fear of public speaking might start by imagining speaking in front of a small group, then progress to practising in front of friends, and eventually speaking to larger audiences as their anxiety decreases. 8. Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) What it is:PCIT is a therapy designed to improve the relationship between parents and their young children who display behavioural issues. It teaches parents how to interact with their child in a way that reinforces positive behaviour and reduces disruptive behaviour. How it works:PCIT involves real-time coaching, where the therapist observes parent-child interactions and provides guidance via a headset. The parent learns how to use positive reinforcement, effective commands, and appropriate discipline strategies. Conditions treated: Example:A parent of a child with frequent temper tantrums

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Just Another Day of Pain

Community, Real Talk /

This poem reflects personal experiences with mental health struggles and is intended to raise awareness. If you or someone you know is facing similar challenges, please reach out to a professional. I banged my fists against the door,“Make it stop!” I shouted, my voice raw. The ache in my chest so deep, I feel hollow,Another day of dragging pain I’m forced to swallow. Fuck it — I can’t even sleep. Today, yesterday, tomorrow — they all take their share,This one, that one — it’s too much to bear.The people, the things pulling me thin, I can’t do this anymore, don’t even know where to begin.It’s no fun — just running on empty and pain, All this weight, again and again. Mental Matters is a resource and information platform. We do not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While the information on our website is for general awareness and support, it should not replace professional advice. For any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional. Taking Time to Understand Your Thoughts Start Journaling with These Simple, Feel-Good Prompts Reflect with Juliane Sandton Strong Relationships Start with Questions Alan Raw Physiotherapist Manchester

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Taking Time to Understand Your Thoughts

Explainers, Feelings & Behaviours /

It’s so easy to get caught up in negative thoughts and emotions that can impact our well-being. One effective way to address this is through a practice called thought auditing. This technique encourages you to take breaks throughout your day to reflect on your thoughts, especially those that bother you. 1. What Is Thought Auditing? Thought auditing is a mindfulness exercise where you pause regularly to examine your thoughts. By taking a break every 45 minutes or so, you can assess any negative thoughts that may have surfaced and work through them in a constructive way. This practice can help you identify patterns in your thinking, reduce anxiety, and enhance your overall mental health. 2. Steps to Conduct a Thought Audit 3. Why Thought Auditing Works Thought auditing is effective because it promotes self-awareness. By regularly checking in with yourself, you can gain insight into your thought patterns and emotional responses. This process helps create a buffer between you and your thoughts, allowing you to respond rather than react to them. Additionally, it reinforces the idea that you are not your thoughts. You have the power to choose how you respond to them, which can lead to greater emotional resilience and a more positive mindset. Mental Matters is a resource and information platform. We do not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While the information on our website is for general awareness and support, it should not replace professional advice. For any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional. Forward Thinking Mental health service Birmingham Strong Relationships Start with Questions How to Support Someone Who Might Be Thinking About Suicide East Team Forward Thinking Birmingham Georgina May Registered Integrative Counsellor London

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The Hard Truths About Love and Trust

Community, Relationships /

This is from our community and has been edited for clarity and to protect privacy. I loved him. But somewhere along the way, that love turned into something dark and bitter. The lies he told chipped away at my heart, transforming my affection into resentment. I had no problem putting him first, and honestly, he thrived on that. He loved how I was willing to change myself to fit his mould. For a moment, it felt good. I thought I had met my perfect half. But what a fool I was. I should’ve seen that he was only saying what he wanted me to hear to worm his way in, just enough to draw me closer. I still find myself questioning his intentions. What was his end goal? Did he want to completely control me, trapping me in his world of delusions, all because of his own insecurities? I let his lies create walls around my heart. I bent over backwards to be what he wanted, but in the end, I lost sight of myself. The more I gave, the more he took, until I was left feeling empty and resentful. I know now that love shouldn’t feel this way. It shouldn’t involve losing myself or bending to someone else’s will. I have learned to reclaim my worth, to stand firm in who I am, and to demand the respect I deserve. I may have loved him, but I refuse to let his lies define me. Beyond him, I learned that a love that truly lifts you up is out there. Mental Matters is a resource and information platform. We do not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While the information on our website is for general awareness and support, it should not replace professional advice. For any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional. REGISTERED COUNSELLOR ROOTED IN LOVE Fourways Live Now Love Now Heal Now Bristol I Love My Smile Dentist Lynnwood “You’re Crazy” – The Biggest Lie Manipulators Tell What Are the Myths and What’s the Truth About ADHD?

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Dear Future Me

Community, Real Talk /

“Healing begins when we learn to love ourselves.” Dear Future Me, Are you happy?I hope you are. Right now, I feel lost,Trapped behind these walls,But they’re the only thing I knowTo protect myself from it all. I keep everyone out,Because it feels safer that way.I don’t trust love,I don’t trust people.How could I?After all I’ve been through—An absent father,A mother who couldn’t raise me,And abuse that broke meLong before I knew how to fix myself. I’m scared of letting anyone in.I don’t know how to loveWithout fearing the pain,And I keep choosing the wrong peopleLike I’m stuck in this cycle,Every time I try to trust,It backfires. But I hope,Someday, you’ve figured this out.I hope you found love,Not just with someone else,But with yourself.Because right now,I don’t see my worth.I’m just trying to survive. Do the walls ever come down?Do you ever feel free? I’m holding onto hopeThat you’ve made it to a better place.I need to believe that all this struggleIs leading somewhere good.That one day,I won’t be so scared,And I’ll find my worthOutside of what’s been done to me. Please tell me that it’s true. Love,Me. Mental Matters is a resource and information platform. We do not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While the information on our website is for general awareness and support, it should not replace professional advice. For any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional. First Psychology Glasgow – Hope Street Hope Fertility & Endometriosis Clinic Sandton Hope Again Wellness Centre Potchefstroom The Hope Counselling Worcester Hope Therapy & Counselling Services Bath

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How to Stay in Control When Someone’s Pushing Your Buttons

Explainers, Resources /

Sometimes, in conversations or conflicts, you might find yourself facing someone who seems more interested in dominating or controlling the conversation than truly understanding you. Certain people have a way of turning discussions into power struggles. Leading clinical psychologist and expert on narcissism, Dr. Ramani Durvasula highlights a simple yet powerful communication strategy (the deep technique) for dealing with difficult people. “Defend, engage, explain, personalise – don’t go deep. They will try to pull you into the madness.” The Problem with Trying to Explain Yourself When someone challenges you, it’s natural to want to explain yourself. You might feel the need to defend your actions or share your side of the story. But sometimes, the person isn’t interested in hearing you out—they just want to control the conversation or make you feel wrong. When you try to explain or defend, you’re giving them more to argue with. Instead of clearing things up, you end up feeling stuck in a back-and-forth that goes nowhere. Dr. Ramani’s advice reminds us that stepping back can often be the best move. Why Saying “OK” Can Save You a Lot of Stress Dr. Ramani suggests a simple and powerful response: just say “OK.” It sounds almost too easy, but it works. When you respond with “OK”, you aren’t engaging in a debate or giving the other person more fuel to keep the argument going. You’re keeping things neutral, which prevents them from dragging you into a deeper, more emotional conversation. Saying “OK” is a way of stopping the argument in its tracks. You’re not agreeing or disagreeing; you’re just choosing not to engage. This response takes the wind out of their sails because they’re often looking for a reaction from you. When you don’t give them one, the conversation can’t escalate. Say Less, Stay Calm In situations where someone is trying to take control of the conversation, less is more. The less you say, the fewer chances they have to twist your words or lead you down a path you don’t want to go. You protect yourself from getting emotionally drained by refusing to dive deep into explanations or justifications. Instead of going into long explanations, keep your responses short: These responses acknowledge the person without letting them control the conversation. By staying neutral and not diving into details, you’re setting boundaries and protecting your peace of mind. How Short Responses Protect Your Peace Dr. Ramani’s approach is all about self-protection. By keeping things brief and neutral, you protect yourself from getting pulled into emotional manipulation. The other person may be trying to confuse or dominate you, but your calm, short responses show that you’re not playing their game. When they don’t get the emotional reaction they want, it takes away their power. They want to get under your skin, but your controlled responses help you stay grounded and in control. In the end, saying less actually gives you more control over the situation. The next time you find yourself in a conversation that feels like it’s heading toward chaos, remember: don’t defend, don’t engage in a lengthy explanation, and don’t get personal. Saying less really is more powerful, and sometimes, the strongest response is the one that keeps you calm, clear, and in control. Mental Matters is a resource and information platform. We do not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While the information on our website is for general awareness and support, it should not replace professional advice. For any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional. Durban Marriage & Couples Counselling Counselor Musgrave 8 Reminders That Pulled Me Through My Worst Days Working Conversations Group – Psychological Therapies Liverpool Why Does Being Mentally Exhausted Feel Like The New Normal? Mr. Matthew Button Vascular Surgeon Brighton

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I’m Not Just a Victim of My Past

Community, Family /

This story was shared by a member of our community and has been edited for clarity and to protect privacy. Growing up in the 1960s, *Melinda (name changed to protect privacy) came from a strict upbringing. Her father was often away due to work. And her mother had to look after five children, as well as her nieces and nephews. It created a chaotic household where they constantly divided their attention and spread their resources thin. There was constant conflict between the kids. Not because of resentment toward their cousins, but because there was always a sense of missing out. Their mother would remind them that money had to be saved for everyone, so sometimes they couldn’t get what they wanted. Christmases were especially hard—sometimes they would have to share gifts, and on particularly lean years, they wouldn’t receive any presents at all. Her father was a cold man, always focused on practicalities. “I put food on the table and a roof over your head“, was something he often said. While it was his way of showing care, it never quite felt like enough. But even with his stern attitude, he had his soft moments too, though they were rare and often overshadowed by the strain of providing for so many. Her mother, on the other hand, worked tirelessly to maintain a sense of normalcy. Her mother made sure meals were on the table by 6 p.m., ironed and neatly laid out her father’s clothes, and packed his food with care. But no matter how much effort her mother put in, the feeling of scarcity—whether material or emotional—was ever-present. When Melinda turned 20, she moved away from home and got married, hoping for a fresh start. But her husband’s family didn’t like her from the start. They had wanted him to marry someone from their church. A woman they thought was more appropriate. Their disapproval was palpable, and it only added to the doubts she already had about herself. Throughout her life, Melinda had always felt conflicted—wondering if she was doing enough or being enough, whether at work or in relationships. The way her husband’s family treated her only reinforced the idea that she didn’t measure up. She tried her best to prove herself to them, but no matter what she did, it was never good enough. Her marriage lasted just six months. It took marrying him, and enduring the pressure from his family, for her to realise that she had made a mistake. She didn’t feel like she was enough for him, or for them, and it only confirmed the doubts she had carried since childhood. Her father’s voice often echoed in her mind: “Just be happy with what you have.” But this sentiment never quite sat right with her. To her, it always felt like a subtle way of saying, “Don’t expect more. Don’t dream bigger.” The truth was, she wanted more. She wanted more fulfilment, more love, more recognition. But for years, she held back, weighed down by the belief that asking for more meant she was being ungrateful. It wasn’t until much later in life that she began to let go of that mindset. She realised that being happy with what you have doesn’t mean settling for less than you deserve. It means finding contentment within yourself, no matter how your past tried to limit you. She no longer blames herself for her short marriage or for not fitting into her husband’s family’s ideal. She has stopped trying to earn her worth in the eyes of others and made the conscious choice to stop being a volunteer victim to her circumstances. Melinda has taken control, rejecting the voices that once told her she wasn’t enough. Now, she actively learns to value herself more, instead of trying to prove herself to others. Mental Matters is a resource and information platform. We do not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While the information on our website is for general awareness and support, it should not replace professional advice. For any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional. Melinda Howlett Psychologist Westville Melinda du Plooy Counsellor Elardus Park MELINDA FOUCHÉ Psychiatrist Gardens Melinda du Plooy Counselling Services Doringkloof Chris Glover Clinical Psychologist Sandton

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How to Handle Being Stuck in the Middle Without Losing Your Mind

Family, Relationships, Resources /

If you ever find yourself in a situation, where you’re stuck in the middle of someone else’s relationship, it can be hard to know what to do. Here are a few helpful steps you can take to protect your own emotional wellbeing while offering support: 1. Acknowledge Your Limits It’s important to realise that you can’t fix their relationship. While it’s natural to want to help, relationships are complex, and ultimately, it’s up to the two people involved to work things out. 2. Set Boundaries It’s okay to say, “I care about both of you, but I can’t continue being in the middle.” Establishing this boundary lets them know you’re not abandoning them—you’re just respecting your own needs. Make it clear that while you’re there to support them individually, you can’t be their mediator. 3. Encourage Communication Sometimes, people need a reminder to communicate with each other rather than vent to others. You can gently suggest that they talk to each other directly and openly about their feelings. This might encourage them to work through their issues together instead of using you as the go-between. 4. Practice Self-Care It’s draining to be pulled into someone else’s relationship drama. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself, whether that’s through relaxation, spending time with people who lift you up, or simply stepping away when it becomes overwhelming. 5. Recommend Outside Support If the situation becomes too much for them to handle alone, encourage them to seek professional guidance. A relationship or marriage counsellor can help them work through their issues in a neutral, supportive environment. Mental Matters is a resource and information platform. We do not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While the information on our website is for general awareness and support, it should not replace professional advice. For any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional. Are We Losing Something with Online Therapy? I Lost Myself Trying to Make Others Happy Why Setting Boundaries Matters How to Handle a Panic Attack: What Helps and What Doesn’t

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When You’re Stuck in the Middle of Family Drama and Can’t Handle It Anymore

1 Comment / Community, Family, Guilt /

This story was shared by a member of our community and has been edited for clarity and to protect privacy. It all started innocently enough. My sister-in-law would call me up, complaining about how annoying my brother was. At first, I didn’t think much of it—it’s normal for couples to have their ups and downs. But as time went on, I realised these calls weren’t occasional. They were frequent. Very frequent. The conversation would usually go something like this:Her: “He’s so annoying.”Me: “What’s he doing that’s annoying?”Her: “Everything!” It was always “everything.” She never got specific, which left me with nothing to really go on. The more she called, the more I found myself in the uncomfortable role of being a go-between for them. My brother has a demanding job, and I know he works hard. But his wife feels undervalued. She doesn’t think he’s doing enough at home or that he’s paying attention to her needs. I completely understand her frustrations, but I hate that I’ve become the middleman. I’m now in the position of hearing both sides, trying to make sense of the situation, when really, this isn’t my battle to fight. The hardest part is, I care deeply about both of them. I love my brother, and I have a lot of respect for his wife. I hate seeing them struggle, and I’d hate even more to see their relationship fall apart. There’s a part of me that wants to help, to fix things. But the truth is, I’ve reached a point where I can’t do it anymore. I need to step back and tell them, “This is something for you two to figure out.” But at the same time, I feel terrible. What if they think I’m abandoning them? What if stepping back makes things worse? I realise now that staying in the middle isn’t healthy—for them or for me. As much as I care, I’ve got to put up some boundaries for the sake of my own wellbeing. They need to work through their issues without me playing mediator. But still, I feel guilty, and I’m wondering if I’m doing the right thing. Being caught in the middle of two people you love can feel like an impossible situation, but it’s okay to step back and set boundaries. Ultimately, their relationship is for them to figure out, and the best support you can offer might just be encouraging them to work through things together. If you have a story to share, we’d love to hear from you. Mental Matters is a resource and information platform. We do not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While the information on our website is for general awareness and support, it should not replace professional advice. For any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional. Sally Anderson Psychotherapist & Drama Therapist London Emma Hutton Drama Therapist Randburg How to Handle a Panic Attack: What Helps and What Doesn’t 4 Brothers Drug Recovery Centre Rehabilitation center Gonubie How to Handle Being Stuck in the Middle Without Losing Your Mind

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